Friday, October 30, 2009

Margy

My years at Emory & Henry College were the most amazing years of my life. People will tell you that you make your lifelong friends in college. While I have some amazing friends from high school, I will certainly agree that my closest friends matriculated with me in the beautiful Appalachian Mountains.

One of my closest friends was actually a faculty member. Trevor was a recent graduate of the music department and was returning to Emory after his graduate work at Eastman. Trevor was intimidating to me long before I met him. I heard stories. People loved him. I didn’t know how to take this. It was my second year at Emory and I was really starting to feel like I had found a place to call home. The last thing I needed to deal with was the favored son returning home.

I couldn’t have been more wrong about Trevor. He became an amazing influence and someone who I knew I could always talk to, vent to, and have fun with. It wasn’t long before I learned something tragic about him. Trevor’s mom, Margy, was killed in a car accident on her way home from a football game on campus. This happened while he was a student, five or so years before I ever knew him.

Today marked ten years since her death. And while I never met Margy, I was undeniably impacted by her life. Our chapel piano and choir robes were in her honor. Every note from that piano was sacred. Every time we put on or robes was a reminder of a life lost. But the biggest influence that Margy had on my life was her legacy that lived on through Trevor. Just this week I thought of Margy while I was rehearsing a song at church. It is a song that the Concert Choir performed in Bluefield, West Virginia…her home church. Trevor was at the piano and his father and brother were in the congregation. Tears blurred the vision of most people in the church when the words of the spiritual hit all to close to home. “Sometimes I feel like a motherless child…” I have no idea how Trevor made it through the song…

Through a sermon by of one of Trevor’s classmates I have been revived in a forgotten lesson. “Don’t live for yourselves. It will disappoint you and you won’t be ready to go when the time comes. Die to yourselves. Live for something much greater than yourself. Live for love and for the God who showed us true love on the cross.”

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Monday, October 19, 2009

(Small Town) Style Guide

Olney, Illinois is far from being the most fashionable town. Really far. But that does not mean that the men of this community shouldn’t look their best. In my line of work I wear a tie to work everyday. Sometimes it is just a tie alone, and some days it is a suit and tie. The people that walking into my place of business come from all walks of life, but one thing that seems common is their perception that they must look ‘good.’ I am often amused at people’s definition of ‘good.’

In an effort to bring a little class and style to my small corner of the world I have been putting together a short style guide for men.


1. Fit is King – The most dramatic improvement you can make in your style is to make sure everything fits. Most guys wear clothes that are too large. Make sure everything you wear is almost hugging the curves of your body - without being tight. Bad fit is an epidemic, cure yourself.

2. Keep it current – That suit you wore to your daughter’s wedding in 1975 should not be worn to your brother’s funeral in 2009. In fact, it shouldn’t be in your closet at all. And by the way, it doesn’t still fit.

3. Change the way you see casual - casual doesn’t have to be boring. Have fun with collared shirts, or take some inspiration from those who approach casual a bit differently. If your workplace allows casual dress, then I encourage you to do it in your own unique style. Save the golf shirt and kakis for your weekend on Hilton Head.

4. Pay attention to your supporting pieces – We have entered sweater season. Some sweaters are lean and others are big and chunky. The first rule of thumb is that your top and bottom halves need to match. If you’re wearing a big, chunky, rugged fisherman knit sweater, your bottom needs to be rugged, too. Don’t wear a big bulky sweater from the GAP with a beautiful silk-and-wool suit pant. Instead, wear it with something as casual as cargoes or jeans, or dress it up with a tweed blazer. Don’t know what tweed is? …we have bigger problems.

5. Never go shopping alone – You can never really trust the sales people because they usually work for commission (at high end stores), or could care less about your style. The buddy system should always be used while shopping. But be sure your buddy will tell you the truth.

6. Stay at least a notch above - Don’t overdo it to a fault, but still take some risks. It’s always better to be a little bit overdressed than underdressed in a situation. All you have to do is think about where and who you’re going to be with and just step it up one notch. But make sure you’re not better dressed than someone who is more important in a certain setting, like you’re boss or the groom. You can always diminish an over dressed look, but it is not possible to dress up jeans and a polo.

7. Never underestimate the power of details – The last thing on is usually the first thing noticed. So mind the details instead of throwing together the main parts of your outfit. “Details” can include a scarf, a subtle pocket square, to the way you tie your tie knot. Yes, gentlemen, there is more than one way to tie a knot. I am shocked at the number of men that ask me to tie their necktie before they walk into my business. Speaking of ties…never wear a tie with a short-sleeved dress shirt. Better yet, never buy a dress shirt with short sleeves.

8. Invest in a good pair of shoes – If it’s one thing that women will notice, it’s your shoes. Especially how clean they are. It’s easy to wash and press (or steam) the rest of your clothes to keep them looking new, but most guys disregard their shoes. Show you’re a man of taste by getting a nice pair of shoes and keeping them in pristine condition. It’s the fastest way to showing others that you take care of yourself. And remember this simple rule when wearing a suit: Dress up = laces up. Never wear loafers or slip on shoes with a suit.

9. Fashion Tees and logos – When you’re going around with a big logo on your shirt, you risk looking like a walking billboard. Nobody cares about the brand of your shirt. And that fun tee that says “Keep staring…I might do a trick” should not be worn after 8th grade. Be an adult.

10. Disregard trends – You shouldn’t wear something just because it’s “in” right now. Always build a versatile and timeless (or classic) wardrobe first, and then bring in your own twists with some of the new stuff. This one tip has saved me so much money. But be warned…while some styles are promised to “come back,” they may come back with subtle differences that will certainly date your wardrobe if you hold on to pieces too long. Learn to let go!

11. Don’t be a sucker for brand names - Don’t be a yuppie. Before you decide to purchase an item, ask yourself if you are buying it because it’s “in style” or because it genuinely suits you. Ask yourself if you would buy the garment if it didn’t have a logo on it. I generally pass on garments that have their brand blazoned in an effort to grab attention.

12. Stay away from clogs and Crocs - They do not look good on anybody. I don’t care if they are comfortable. Enough said.

13. An undershirt is an undershirt - An undershirt is meant to be worn underneath your dress shirt or sweater to absorb the sweat, dirt, and body oils that we all inevitable secrete. (Nice, right?) I do advocate laundering your shirts after a days wear. An undershirt should ALWAYS be worn under a dress shirt. Nobody wants to see your man nipples silhouetted behind that sheer white dress shirt. Please do not wear a wife beater, v-neck, or crew-neck undershirt by itself with jeans after the age of 18. Ever.

14. Upgrade your shave - Even if all the threads are gold, an unkempt beard can be an instant attraction killer. A few days worth of scruff looks good on certain people, but chances are that you are not one of those people. Achieve that perfect shave by adding a shave brush, soap & old-fashioned double-edged razor. They got that right back in the old days.

15. Experiment with style – The only way you’ll really learn, is if you go out there and try new things. If you make mistakes, life goes on. So many guys are afraid to express themselves through their style, don’t be one of them. Never follow the crowd.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Unconquered

There are a few pieces of poetry that I will always hold close. One in particular has become a creed. Invictus, by William Ernst Henley is a wildly popular piece that remains current in our culture despite being first published in 1875. The 20 year old Henley wrote the poem from a hospital bed while facing certain death. The title, which mean unconquered, was intended to inspire others to take responsibility for their own destiny in times of trial and despair. The poem gained notoriety for being quoted by alleged* American terrorist Timothy McVeigh, who quoted it in a communiqué released shortly before his execution.

In preparation for an upcoming art show, I created a photograph which incorporated the text of line 15 written across the chest of a high school student. I was looking for someone that would represent the reckless abandon, and the glorious potential of youth. I have had the idea of doing this for a while, but I was unable to find an appropriate subject. The subject of the photograph, Devan, has been described as “a confident and misunderstood young man.” After an impromptu conversation with Devan concerning religion, destiny, and self-will I was certain that I had found my guy. Read the poem below. Click on line 15 to be taken to the photograph. Enjoy. Comment. Reflect.

Invictus

William Ernst Henley; 1849-1903

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.


*I use the word alleged to convey my skepticism of McVeigh's actual involvement in the horrific event that was attributed to him.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Are you a Victim or a Creator

I have two questions for you. And I want you to answer them honestly and truthfully.

Question #1: Do you believe that you are a victim of your circumstances, or that you are a creator of your reality?

In other words, do you believe that life happens to you, or that you happen to life?

Of course, situations in our lives unfold over which we have little control. The weather. A freak accident. The death of a loved one. But we do have control over how we view those situations. And, in my experience, it’s these views that make all the difference.

Upon giving question #1 some thought, most of us would agree that we’re the creators of our reality. This experience of life isn’t a passive one; like a great author, we write each word, line and chapter in this book of life.

Almost all of us believe that we are the creators of our reality.

Question #2: Do you act like you are a victim of your circumstances, or that you are a creator of your reality?

Give this some thought. We know what you believe, but how do you act? What is your honest answer?

For many of us, there is a disconnect between our thoughts and our actions. We believe that we are creators, but we act like we are victims with things we say, the feelings and reactions we hope to elicit from others, the attention we crave, the relationships we build and the words we use to describe our situations.

The next time you find yourself saying, “It’s such a crummy day outside,” recognize that the day is only crummy because you have judged it as such. There is nothing instructively miserable about rain. Only about your perspective of rain. The same is true for anything else, from life to death and everything in between.

The next time you sing yourself a sob story, recognize that there are other ways to view your situation. Remind yourself that your situation is only difficult because you have decided it is difficult. And that in the pain you’ve chosen to internalize, you have decided to overlook the messages, opportunities and lessons being offered up by that situation.

So I ask you, are you a victim or are you a creator?