Yesterday I awoke and started to get ready to go to work. I checked the chart to see which suit I should wear, and which corporate tie to match. I was preparing for my Grandfather’s funeral. I had never worked a funeral service for a family member before. I was nervous. I was sullen. I started my coffee maker morosely with a trembling finger. I went downstairs to the basement where I found an old jewelry box inside a large cedar chest. Inside the box I found a set of cufflinks that would go perfectly with that day’s tie. They were my grandfather’s cufflinks. Upstairs, I set them aside on my valet. I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed that my eyes were sunken above dark circles and my skin had taken an almost translucent pallor. I needed to shave. As I lathered shaving soap on my brush, as I had seen him do so many times, I started to cry. I stepped into the shower only to have my tears veiled by rolling steam as the scent of my Irish Spring conjured up memories of my childhood and how my grandfather would smell after a shower.
This was going to be the toughest day of my new career as a funeral director. It didn’t seem fair. I fastened his cufflinks on my shirt, straightened by tie, and headed out the door. It wasn’t until I was half way to work when it hit me. My grandfather had passed away five years ago. This was the first time that I let a dream influence me that far into my day. I’m still a bit taken by the whole thing…
I love dreams. Dreams are an indescribable expression of something deep, and personal. Often times, dreams take on private and intimate scheme. Dreams can be fantasies or horrors. Some mornings I wake up convinced that I am about to embark on the day that had been set-up in my dream. This usually lasts about as long as it takes me to walk across the room to my buzzing alarm clock.
But yesterday was different. Anyone up for some dream analysis?
2 comments:
That's a toughy. Maybe you're missing an older-gentleman-mentor-figure? Things on your mind that you'd like to ask someone with more wisdom and experience, but they're not available and/or accessible?
I feel like I need to go take a shower and cry after reading this.
Hm...
I would say now is a time in your life where you finally feel secure enough in your own to feel the grief or loss of something that before was too complicated to fully understand. It seems like you have been hiding in routine (your usual get ready for work bit) to try and keep your mind off of the loss, but it will not be ignored any longer.
Your grandpa could represent someone that had a deep impact on your life previously that you never fully realized until now (he died five years ago, but you are just now grieving.)
You have spent much of your time thinking and trying to figure things out. Now is a time to stop thinking and start feeling and healing. Good luck.
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