Its true....what they say...

Have you ever been told, “something better will come along,” or “it just wasn’t mean to be”? Over the last four months I have heard that more than I care to recall. While always said with the best intentions by friends and family alike…I just got tired of it.

In April I completed my student teaching and applied for a job in my home town. Things were looking good. I felt very confident. The teachers in the department were very supportive and even went as far as to say “you’re the one we want,” and “you’re the perfect fit.” These teachers were ever a part of the interview team. But in the back of my mine I just didn’t feel like I would end up with the job. Since it was April, there were not many jobs postings on the state job bank. I walked into the interview nervous as hell. The secretary who took my back to the principal’s office squeezed my hand and said, “…this job is your honey, we’re all rootin’ for you.”

It was my first interview…ever. (Not counting my interview with The President’s Own USMC the day after I graduated from college.) I’ve never had to interview for a job before. They’ve always been offered. Anywho…it was a great interview, at least until the end when the principal said, “nobody starts off with their dream job.” That comment replayed in my mind for the two long weeks I had to wait. When I got the phone call I was on a walk. I was cutting through the middle school parking lot when my phone rang. I didn’t get the job. They gave it to someone with “more classroom experience.” I put my phone back in my pocket and I heard an 8^th band student say to his mom, “that’s going to my new band director next year,” as he waved while getting into his mom’s car. I smiled and waved back.

That was the longest walk back to my house ever. I had no direction. No job leads. No career to fall back on. (I refused to return to the previous one.) But what bothered me the most was that I had no confidence as an educator or a musician. One phone call ripped that confidence from me.

Long story short: After 28 applications and only 5 interviews I am finally hired. And you know what; something better did indeed come along. I am very pleased and excited to be the new middle school and high school choir director in Robinson, Illinois. This job opened on a Friday. I had an interview the following Tuesday and was offered the job on Wednesday. It happened so fast that it just does not feel real yet. Today, while in the unit office getting all official and whatnot, I met several colleagues who welcomed me to the team. Of all the jobs I applied for this is the best fit for me as an educator and a musician. Confidence restored. However, I’m an all sort of new terrified.

For those we love...

Once upon a time, a king called upon all of his wise men and asked them, “Is there a mantra or suggestion which works in every situation, in every circumstance, in every place and in every time? In every joy, every sorrow, every defeat and every victory? One answer for all questions? Tell me, is there such a mantra?”

All the wise men were puzzled by the king’s question. They thought and thought. After a lengthy discussion, an old man suggested something which appealed to all of them. The wise men handed the king a paper with four words written on it. These four words would ground the king in his triumphs and lift the King during his darkest hours.

The four words were: This too shall pass.

As the king read the words, he became enlightened.

There are times when it feels like your world is crashing down around you. Nothing happens as planned. Everything is against you, your ambitions, and your very livelihood. Those are dark times. We’ve all experienced them at some point. But lately I have experienced something else. I have watched others go through tough times. And I, unable to ‘fix’ anything, am left on the periphery unable to offer anything more than support and encouragement in a situation that is nearly helpless.

Life certainly comes with plenty of ups and downs. On the upside we experience promotions, new relationships, material things, wealth and so forth. On the downside we experience layoffs, breakups, loss, financial hardship, death and other less desirable aspects of the human experience.

Most of us ride the roller coaster of life; our moods and levels of happiness are dictated by the situation at hand. We celebrate the upsides and bemoan the downside. In this perspective, I suppose that the end goal is experiencing more upsides than downsides.

I recognize that the upsides and downsides are part of this human experience. And that this experience is intrinsically beautiful and perfect. Regardless of my place on the roller coaster, I know that there are lessons to be learned and lives to touch.

For me, the secret is not letting my mood or level of happiness be dictated by the situation at hand. I know that true power comes from within, regardless of the circumstances around me. I base my happiness on the permanent, rather than the transient. Is that extremely difficult? Heck yes! I’m I successful in my attempts? Heck no!

When the fan gets hit, I remind myself that this too shall pass. And when Lady Luck smiles on me in a special way, I remind myself that this too shall pass.

Necessary Evil

Margy

My years at Emory & Henry College were the most amazing years of my life. People will tell you that you make your lifelong friends in college. While I have some amazing friends from high school, I will certainly agree that my closest friends matriculated with me in the beautiful Appalachian Mountains.

One of my closest friends was actually a faculty member. Trevor was a recent graduate of the music department and was returning to Emory after his graduate work at Eastman. Trevor was intimidating to me long before I met him. I heard stories. People loved him. I didn’t know how to take this. It was my second year at Emory and I was really starting to feel like I had found a place to call home. The last thing I needed to deal with was the favored son returning home.

I couldn’t have been more wrong about Trevor. He became an amazing influence and someone who I knew I could always talk to, vent to, and have fun with. It wasn’t long before I learned something tragic about him. Trevor’s mom, Margy, was killed in a car accident on her way home from a football game on campus. This happened while he was a student, five or so years before I ever knew him.

Today marked ten years since her death. And while I never met Margy, I was undeniably impacted by her life. Our chapel piano and choir robes were in her honor. Every note from that piano was sacred. Every time we put on or robes was a reminder of a life lost. But the biggest influence that Margy had on my life was her legacy that lived on through Trevor. Just this week I thought of Margy while I was rehearsing a song at church. It is a song that the Concert Choir performed in Bluefield, West Virginia…her home church. Trevor was at the piano and his father and brother were in the congregation. Tears blurred the vision of most people in the church when the words of the spiritual hit all to close to home. “Sometimes I feel like a motherless child…” I have no idea how Trevor made it through the song…

Through a sermon by of one of Trevor’s classmates I have been revived in a forgotten lesson. “Don’t live for yourselves. It will disappoint you and you won’t be ready to go when the time comes. Die to yourselves. Live for something much greater than yourself. Live for love and for the God who showed us true love on the cross.”

Are you a Victim or a Creator

I have two questions for you. And I want you to answer them honestly and truthfully.

Question #1: Do you believe that you are a victim of your circumstances, or that you are a creator of your reality?

In other words, do you believe that life happens to you, or that you happen to life?

Of course, situations in our lives unfold over which we have little control. The weather. A freak accident. The death of a loved one. But we do have control over how we view those situations. And, in my experience, it’s these views that make all the difference.

Upon giving question #1 some thought, most of us would agree that we’re the creators of our reality. This experience of life isn’t a passive one; like a great author, we write each word, line and chapter in this book of life.

Almost all of us believe that we are the creators of our reality.

Question #2: Do you act like you are a victim of your circumstances, or that you are a creator of your reality?

Give this some thought. We know what you believe, but how do you act? What is your honest answer?

For many of us, there is a disconnect between our thoughts and our actions. We believe that we are creators, but we act like we are victims with things we say, the feelings and reactions we hope to elicit from others, the attention we crave, the relationships we build and the words we use to describe our situations.

The next time you find yourself saying, “It’s such a crummy day outside,” recognize that the day is only crummy because you have judged it as such. There is nothing instructively miserable about rain. Only about your perspective of rain. The same is true for anything else, from life to death and everything in between.

The next time you sing yourself a sob story, recognize that there are other ways to view your situation. Remind yourself that your situation is only difficult because you have decided it is difficult. And that in the pain you’ve chosen to internalize, you have decided to overlook the messages, opportunities and lessons being offered up by that situation.

So I ask you, are you a victim or are you a creator?